Pixelated Portrait of Self

A paradoxical analogy, this is what life can be. In constant flux, like a flowing bloody river of feelings and thoughts, we can only hope as a society, and as people, we reassess, we relearn, restructure and reevaluate.

Who are you? Who am I? Who are we? The constant questioning and quest to define the true self. It was Erving Goffman who claimed that there is no such thing as the true self. Leaning onto theatrical traits of dramaturgy, he insisted that we are people who continuously put on masks, portraying what we think people want us to be, constantly acting. We have a front-stage and backstage role where we assume the person we engage or interact with would like to see.

A continuous blunder of life lessons and learning from past mistakes, self-betterment remains a so-called virtue. With talk show hosts deeming god-like ‘profundities’ where capitalist ideologies have guided the blueprints of self-help books, a space where we teach and search for inspirational quotes that showcase we truly belong to ourselves and to this world.

We push away feelings of desperation because we deem them to be unimportant. We build proverbial walls around our hearts, ourselves and our feelings in order to stop others penetrating our deepest psyche. We have become cold and distracted through pixelated blue light of technological spheres. These spheres remain virtual spaces where we portray a curated version of ourselves. It’s unfortunate to note that here we communicate thoroughly, distinctly and sadly, sometimes, more honestly.

A computer screen acts as a buffer to release our inner-personas, or who we would like to be viewed as. A forever and ongoing existential vortex. Is this a buffer to open a gateway to our hearts and self-confidence? Are we secretly using the internet to tell each other who we would like to be? Each pixel showcasing a distraction of inner realizations and thoughts.

Taking a breath, a sigh of relief, where inhibitions retract and rebuild, I ask if we can truly define ourselves in this whirlwind of life. Is something ever “too much” or “too little”?

As human beings, we search for tools and mechanisms in a quest to conjure appropriate patterns that can increase our abilities to communicate and succeed. Each narrative, an intricate blunder of experience and thoughts of showcasing who we really are or who we think people want us to be…

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Freelance Journalist & Strategist | MA Student in Convergent Journalism at HMKW Berlin | Polish-born-South African currently residing in Neukölln, Berlin.

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Anna Ptasińska

Anna Ptasińska

Freelance Journalist & Strategist | MA Student in Convergent Journalism at HMKW Berlin | Polish-born-South African currently residing in Neukölln, Berlin.